How to Discuss Finances in your Relationship

Learning how to discuss finances in your relationship is critical. According to CNBC, finances rank as the biggest pain point for relationships.

Money is a huge part of our everyday lives. It can dictate our work life and is the center of conversations when it comes to decisions related to housing, children, and other important aspects of our lives.

Although not always the easiest of discussions to have, it is up there in one of the most important.

Whether married, engaged, or in a long-term relationship, it’s a good idea to talk about finances. But equally as important is timing. Don’t make it an afterthought and don’t do it in the heat of an argument.

I knew early on going into my marriage that I didn’t want to deal with money conflicts. Learn the three ways my husband and I have worked towards being on the same page when it came to finances.

Here is how to discuss finances in your relationship.

Set ground rules

Many people are uncomfortable talking about money. Some may feel ashamed of their financial circumstance and others don’t want to burden the other person with “their” debt.

To make everyone feel at ease, it’s important to set boundaries when discussing your finances, especially for the first time. Ground rules can be centered around behavior, transparency, honesty, and comments.

A hostile environment can deter someone from being transparent and honest.

Some ground rules when discussing money can be:

No judgment is allowed
No negative comments are allowed
We will tackle each financial issue as a team

Be honest

There is a lot of fear, vulnerability, and sometimes shame that comes with divulging one’s financial habits and circumstances. Being transparent is vital to the success of your financial journey.

It’s not only important, to be honest with your partner, but also honest with yourself. Decide to be honest, transparent, and open. Doing so will help you resolve any issues and will provide the best sense of direction on how to push forward as a team.

Be prepared

Carve out some time to discuss your finances without distraction. To create the most value of your time, it’s important to come prepared with financial documents and information. It will be incredibly difficult to create a strategy around debt when you don’t know how much debt you owe.

Take some time to gather information about your debt, lenders, credit score rating, savings, investments, and assets. This will increase your awareness regarding your financial circumstance.

Talk about your “money story”

It’s important to discuss your money story. Everyone has one. When my husband and I were engaged, I made my intentions very clear regarding money and finances. I knew it was important to discuss some of the trauma and fears I had surrounding money that had shaped my thoughts, beliefs, and desires.

Your significant other needs to understand why you operate a certain way so they can better understand how to support you or how to help you overcome some of your concerns, habits, or struggles.

Having these conversations can help alleviate any burdens one person may feel they are facing on their own.

Some questions to consider asking to help guide the conversation:

How do you perceive money?
Do you consider yourself a spender or saver?
Do you have trauma related to money?
How did money play a part in your upbringing?
What are your boundaries related to money?

Understanding everyone’s values surrounding money will create a better understanding and strategies to tackle debt, save, invest and take care of your daily responsibilities.

Be flexible

Remember that everything will be about compromise and teamwork. If something isn’t sitting right with one person, then it’s important to evaluate different goals or methods to achieve your goals.

If you’re struggling with getting on the same page, start with one goal that everyone can get on board with and work your way from there.

What are your best tips on how to discuss finances in your relationship? Share in the comments.